Life goes on

It aches
I ache
It's okay
Life goes on

It hurts
I hurt
It's okay
Life goes on

It cries
I cry
It's okay
Life goes on

It bleeds
I bleed
It's okay
Life goes on

It breaks
I break
It's okay
Life goes on

It dies
I die
It's okay
Life goes on

without me

A thousand deaths...

I die a thousand deaths,
When you tell me you love me,
I know too well, oh, too well,
That a brother's love is all you can give

My heart breaks into a thousand pieces,
When you tell me you miss me,
I know too well, oh, too well,
That there is one whom you miss more

My eyes cries a thousand tears,
When you show how much you care,
I know too well, oh, too well,
That your heart belongs to another

I die a thousand deaths,
Slowly, oh so slowly...

Spare me the pain,
Let me forget,
Let me fall
into the blissful carpet
of neverending night

Author's note: Written today, 4th March 2005. *start edit* The second earliest post, 'Start the music, my dear...' is inspired by the same person.*end edit*

Dreams and doubts...

I've never seen that shade of blue
in my afternoons
I've never seen the moon so huge
in my nights
I've never seen so many stars
in my sky
I've never been so cold
in my life

Icy fingers, warmed by your hands
Dancing flames, lighting my cigarette
A helping hand, to climb the rocks
A reassuring hug, to sooth ruffled feathers
Holding hands, laughing together
Watching movies, taking pictures
Saying goodbye, one last hug
Each step heavier than the last
Tears fall, pain in my heart,
Knowing, knowing that it will never be.

I've fallen in love with the mountains
I've fallen in love with the stars
I've fallen in love with this little town
One question I have yet to answer:
Have I fallen in love with you?

My heart says no,
yet it cries when I leave
My heart says no,
yet my hands sought yours
My heart says no,
yet I miss you so
My heart says no,
yet it hurts when I have to let go

What can I do?

I can't forget, I will not
I can't hope, I dare not
Even in dreams, I run away from you
Even in dreams, I hide from you
I know too much, and knowledge hurts
But it's impossible to forget the emotions
The memories are too precious
Laughter shared,
And tears shed
the hazy uncertainties
of the fragile web

The heart still yearns and I dream,
I dream of things that will never be...





Author's note: First written on 27 October '04. The final version that you see here is edited right before posting, but retains most of its original verses, except for extensive changes in the last half of the 6th paragraph.

Little steps

A little step, just one
Brings you out from the deepest dungeon
A little step, and another two,
Takes you to the farthest shore

If you would take another step,
Or two or three or more,
Perhaps all those little, little steps,
Will cross the ocean floor

And when you're right in front of me,
Perhaps you'd take one more,
and then we'll find that all those little steps,
Were not so little after all.


Author's note: Written sometime in 2002, inspired by poems written for me by someone else. It's a relatively simple piece, as I was still stretching experimenting with different styles, but I've never really been one for rhymes in poetry. At least not when I'm writing them. I think I should credit this muse of mine for broadening my horizons and start writing poetry again.

Maafkan daku, sayang...

Dua insan dari dunia yang berbeza
bertemu dan bermimpi bersama
Adakah ini cinta?
Tidak, rasanya tidak
mimpi ini bukan untuk kita
tapi hatiku masih bertanya
adakah peluang kita bersama?

Sayang, mimpi ini akan berakhir jua
pedih hatiku memikir
hari yang akan datang itu
Saya tidak terdaya untuk melawan
angin dan ribut yang melanda
segalanya tidak memihak kepada kita
adakah ini takdir?

dalam dunia yang berbeza
kita akan bersama-sama
menghayati mimpi yang indah
tetapi realiti tidak membenarkan
mimpi ini berterusan

maafkanlah aku yang melangkah pergi
maafkanlah insan yang tidak berguna ini
menghancurkan mimpi yang kita bina bersama
berat hatiku meninggalkan mu,
berat kakiku melangkah pergi
tapi tiada masa depan untuk kita
maafkan daku, sayang

mengapakah hatiku masih pedih?
mengapakah air mataku mengiringi jalan?
siapakah yang akan mendengar tangisan hati ini?
mengapa nasib tidak menyebelahi kita?


Author's note: First written in 11 September, then published for selected viewing on 6 October. This is the only original piece I've written in Malay in years (and I'm sure it shows how rusty I've gotten!), then translated to English, instead of the other way around. It was an interesting experience. Those who want the English translation, drop me a line.

You say you love me...

You say you love me,
Yet you make me do things,
I don't want to do

You say you love me,
Yet you want me to say words,
I don't want to say

You say you love me,
Yet you hold another in your arms
Does it make you feel better
to hear words I will not say
from the lips of the one who
is my precious friend?

Where is your honour?
Where is your conscience?
Which is the truth?
Which is the lie?
How can you face your family?
How can you face her?
How can you face me
and tell me this lie?

You say you love me,
Yet you think only of yourself
You lie with another
And make believe that it is right

I am better off without you
I don't regret letting go
But how can I tell her
when she loves you so?


Author's note: This piece is the counterpoint to 'Infatuation'.

Infatuation...

Eyes meet, hearts beat,
Another time, another place,
Would it have been different?

Hands touch, fingers caress,
Another time, another place,
Would you have been mine?

Tears flow as we part,
Another time, another place,
Would you have stayed?

Impossible dream, forbidden love,
Another time, another place,
It would've been beautiful
Another time, another place...

Author's note: A quick, spur-of-the-moment piece. Written during the first flush of infatuation, when emotions are operating at doomed-romance mode...